Love and hatred are two strong emotions at work in the war of two forces, (good and evil) in a never-ending battle of losing and winning. Delving on love and hate issues, I am always reminded of Ronald Peat, a fellow Poets member, at LinkedIn who espouses a radical idea that love once it is given, remains given. He explained further that the intimacy remains imprinted on both partners and all the hate, anger, disappointment or denial thereof will not dissipate love at all. Ronald insists that the scar of love is left on both partners forever and will never be forgotten.

Ronald’s argument sounded logical and reasonable. But I don’t buy it. Consider for example the story of Sanya, a woman pining for her lost memories, when she married a man who never learned to grow up. A man, whose fetish was only himself, who derived pleasure in idleness and who will find all the flimsy excuses not to work.  It was a dead union, frozen with distrust and bitter fights from the start.  Being married however, in a remote, macho community where idle husbands were tolerated and separated wives were frowned upon as sinners, Sanya remained in bondage for 22 years with the same insensitive child-adult.

By some grand design and miracle from above, Sanya finally mustered the courage to escape from that doomed marriage.  But the scar of emotional and physical abuse, was too deep to purge her battered heart of the trauma, that it took her several years to recover and get back her self-esteem.

In this particular case, I am inclined to explore an argument to negate Ronald’s claim on the subject of love.  At the outset I agree that a scar is left on both partners forever.  That’s for sure.  But I strongly believe that we need to define first the parameters as to whom the scar rightfully belongs.  In whose scar are we talking about anyway?  Are we going to define it from the eyes of the oppressor or the victim, the prey or the predator, the abused or the abuser?

When women become victims of cocky partners salivating in their machismo on an endless loop, I don’t think women will even have the luxury of time to remember why on earth did they fall in love.  When women lived in terror of pain, scarred by brutal beatings, discouraged by verbal abuse and weighted down by fear, the lasting imprint on their soul is no longer love. Whatever is left of that love once shared, will metastasize to hatred.

As always, casual observers will take separation as a sad ending. But for Sanya, it is a fresh beginning. Experts however say that the healing process and full recovery from that dark imprint will be excruciatingly painful and slow. The good news is that all painful experiences have built-in rewards that will inspire victims to move on.  Emotion gurus are of the opinion that only when the soul is broken and bruised can one fully comprehend the whole idea of wholeness. That, I believe is a consolation which has energized most abused victims to heal themselves eventually.  Nota bene (note well).