Decades ago, I blossomed in the purity of first love and drank from the cups of sweet innocence.  But I chose to exorcise my claim on love knowing that it only serves to fill the heart but will never nourish my soul.  My worst blunder however was to experiment with marriage for the wrong reasons and ended up a casualty of a failed relationship. I never knew marital quarrels can be much worse than adolescent angst. I realized far too late that the bond of intimacy between two unlike individuals yielded zero dividends. It goes without saying that the meaning defined by the heart is too often a fleeting fancy for love, like friendship or marriage causes pain.  Nonetheless, I am a better person now for I have gained back my self-esteem and confidence. I may not be super rich financially, but I am definitely whole again.

I agree, separation is a real pain in the ass, but time does heal even the deepest wound.  The practical benefit I guess, when relationship ends is that we become smarter, and we tend to acquire a pragmatic view of life. I have learned to deal with life with all its complexities and have forgotten to ask those dreaded “what if” questions.  I have ceased to be an eternal question box, forever asking “what’s wrong with me “and needlessly looking for flaws within me.  And the best thing is, I have learned to appreciate simple things, savor the taste of every bite, enjoy the gifts of sound sleep and appreciate the quiet rise and fall of my chest as I breathe.

My road to pragmatism is a long, convoluted, grueling years of struggle. I do admit it is lonely to lose one’s pride, especially when you are trying to settle obligations and is fighting that battle alone.  Sometimes when we are cowed by insurmountable financial burden, self-worth will force itself out of the window.  But I am lucky for I am surrounded with friends who have learned too, to convert their hurt into something positive.

Never will I again wallow in the tragedy of a failed marriage, for I have discovered a whole new me, a mother, rediscovering her journey and affair with writing.  Indeed, a bruised ego has a way of helping us rediscover our passion for life. Admittedly though, only true friends will help nourish us to bloom.  Yes, I am not a millionaire like Elon Musk, but I am stable and happy. Honestly, that is all that matters.